Correspondent letter from football town

Sweet, these modern men seem to be washing their own jerseys. Please don’t teach them how to wash clothes WITHOUT shrinking them.

Ok, so there are a couple other things going on in this world besides Eurovision. Like football. Not that we care so much about insignificant cities in England and their hobbies, but world cup is world cup, and it’s starting to heat up over in the Amazonas.

Therefore, while we are all waiting for Austrian glamour: Here are a couple of observations from the GEE jury:

First and foremost we need to talk about Uruguay. We mean, hello? Who transferred all the hottest men of this world into a country far, far away and WHY didn’t anyone tell us?

And speaking of Uruguay, we hereby direct a big, fat thank you to PUMA. They quickly became our favorite company when deciding to dress all their teams in shirts that only come in XXX Small. Whatta brilliant and inclusive way to raise interest in this sport among women and gays. We will only watch games where at least one of the teams are dressed in PUMA from now on. And we welcome them to sponsor the entire Vienna next year.

Clearly the world of football has picked up a couple of more hints and tricks from Eurovision. Like always keep a stylist handy that can run out in the field and spray the players with hair spray. We like.

Couple of countries missing here, though. We mean, WHERE is Sweden? Did we forget to tell them what was going on? Who locked up Malta? And clearly, the absence of Azerbaijan must be a mistake. Who do we sue for handing out the wrong account number to the world’s most cooperative organization formerly known as Fifa?

We love the fact that being a bearded woman is not only common in this competition, it’s even considered uncontroversial. Also, there are a lot of queens around. They all play for Italy.

England showed up in bad outfits convinced they were going to win, but did a lousy job and are now going to lose. Nothing new there.

One thing we think football could learn from Eurovision is to handle difficulties a little bit better. We mean, what’s up with lying down and crying all the time? They even play the suffering card when they win, these guys. Get up and party instead! We recommend borrowing a trampoline from Greece.

But in the end football has what Eurovision still lacks: Some seriously handsome men in studio to recap it all for at least half an hour after the game. Here it’s still Erik Thorstvedt – Jon Ola Sand 1-0, peeps. But watch and learn, Eurovision, watch and learn.




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