You cannot believe what was going on in B&W Hallerne today

There were rehearsals. Actual, real rehearsals! With artist in clothes! Well, sort of anyway. Here are our first impressions from the second semi final:

1. Malta is definitely coming home with us

Malta’s performance was once again steady as a rock and we’re starting to get that winning feeling. And attention! If you look closely, you will see a selfie of us and Marco Mengoni as a part of their stage backdrop. We are very happy to be up there with the loves of our life during such an important moment in history. Oh, and yeah, we are also glad that 130 million viewers get to see our friendly faces, of course. Vote for us, Marco and Malta. It’s number one, peeps.

Firelight
“And to the right we have an image of my favorite girls in Good Evening Europe. Do notice the fine details and carefully planned and coordinated outfits.”

2. Mei Feingold is still very angry

Half way through the song we just want to scream “WE GOT YOUR POINT THE FIRST TIME” back at her. Also, her stage backdrop looks like something from an adaption of a not so pleasant Cormac McCarthy novel. But thumbs up for effort and all.

3. Carl Espen did great

His jacket looks good and he’s still emotional. And he’s not Petter Northug. Let’s hunt him down and give him a bear hug, shall we?

Carl E
“So, Rybak. Why did you send me your violinists? Do I have to take care of everything around here?”

4. Georgia has the gear

In case of emergency, there is a life vest under your seat and a parachute onstage. We fear someone has stolen Mariko’s make up. Please return immediately.

5. Poland still has boobs

And they know how to use them. Is that right? Or is it wrong? We can’t go on wondering anymore.

polen
“I’ll just make some butter while I sit here and pee onstage. Isn’t it amazing what slavic girls can do?”

6. Conchita is nothing less than fabulous

We’re talking best performance ever given by a bearded lady. Good Evening, Eurovision book of records.

7. Lithuania wants your attention

And although we’re trying our best, it’s hard not to notice her when she is dressed like a lamp shade, screaming like a Eurovsion fan and being so utterly unfab. Safe journey home and all.

LItauen
“Don’t you always wonder what’s under those skirts?”

8. Finland still sound like they are rehearsing for a school play

Great song that needs a performance. We really hope they learn to sing when they start high school next year.

9. Ireland has a problem

Word of advice from experienced Eurovision critics: When riverdance is introduced onstage, you can count on the song being nothing but crap. See you in Paradise Hotel next year, hon.

10. Belarus has the moves of the century

There is only one man we will be hunting down when in need of a dance teacher in Euro Club and that is Teo. Belarus gets a lot more points from us after we saw him live, and we’re seriously questioning our sense of political judgement right now.

11. Macedonia also has good moves

Which is totally great for her as she lacks a)nice clothing and b)a voice and c)a good song. She’d better work it!

12. Switzerland should share his energy with the rest of us

We mean, Sebalter, do you really have to keep all the whistling, fiddling and drumming for yourself? Think of the poor children in Africa!

13. There’s a risky rise up from Greece

We love the trampoline they are all jumping on, but keep waiting for them to crash into each other, which would have been kinda fun. We are also happy Nikolas is wearing a tunic. Reminds us of what our mothers would pack for a week in sunny Skiathos.

2014-05-07 16.06.05
“Next week I will attend the best cross dressed man in Corfu competition. Please vote for me!”

14. Slovenia has a flute

And it’s been playing in the press center recently. We fear this might start a major media outrage. Please remember also serious bloggers like ourselves and other journalists get hangovers for staying up way too late in Euroclub.

15. Ovi from Romania was a little unfortunate

And we are not referring to the few notes he lost in the beginning. But to the fact that he turned out to a dwarf and was attacked by a circular keyboard. Paula, behave yourself!

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