The clock is ticking for Ukraine

Can someone give us the phone number to Mariya Yaremchuk’s stylist like right now?

Gone are the porn star stilettoes, the skimpy double Angelina split frock, the fake tan and the tacky make-up. The hair extensions seem to be still there, but hey nobody’s perfect and for all we know Mariya might have made a quick swing by the hairdresser before departing for Copenhagen to sort out the final details.

Those in the Eurovision business would probably pay good money for the phone numbers to the Ukrainian delegation’s composers, producers, lyricists, choreographers, lighting designers and scenographers as the team seem to consist exclusively of wizards and alchemists. When we first saw this number when it was selected in the national final back in December we thought it was beyond saving. Knowing Ukraine’s track record in Eurovision we figured they would probably keep the girl who fit nicely into the string of drop dead gorgeous babes who no matter how petit they look possess a massive set of lungs. But the song, oh dear, it needed to go if a top 10 finish could even be remotely possible.

With everything else going on in Ukraine these days we suppose they have had better things to do than trying to come up with a better song for ESC, so switching the lyrics, a brush up on the production, a makeover on the artist and a clever packaging in the presentation and there you go, it’s shaping up to be a real contender in Copenhagen.

Make no mistake, the song’s still pretty crappy, but in this case image really is everything and no one gets that better than the Ukrainians. Throw in quite a few sympathy votes for good measure given the current political situation and even a top 5 is not far fetched. We think it’s a smart move to send a light footed, fluffy pop song, not some gloomy dirge with ambiguous lyrics blatantly trying to score said sympathy votes. It’s like the Ukrainians refuse to play the role of the victim and prefer to carry on with business as usual. The sweeter the victory if it sends us all to Kiev next year. We really can’t see that happening, but wouldn’t mind it knowing how much it would probably vex the hell out of Putin. Go Mariya!

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