MESC 2014 reviews, part 10

Not being the keenest supporters of ballads in ESC we’ve put off reviewing two of the ballads in MESC until the very last minute. Trying to say something coherent and meaningful can be downright painful sometimes and we’re now paying the price for our procrastination. All right, let’s give it a shot!

Look for the nearest emergency exit

Goodness gracious this song is bloody awful, we’ll tell you that. This is the kind of song you’ll be advised to time your toilet break to, but we’ll say you better look for the nearest emergency exit and escape from this dirgathon the sooner the better.

So, what happened here, members of the jury who picked out the lucky 20 to compete in MESC 2014? We suppose we have to endure a few line-up fillers for the really good quality songs to stand out, but it’s actually kinda annoying to think that this one probably pipped out quite a few better numbers in the running. We’re not the keenest supporters of ballads in ESC in the first place, but give us a high quality, well sung, classic belter with poetic lyrics and a confident, professional performer and we’ll be lining up to approve and adore. Because I Have You is not one of those. Contrived when it should have been genuine, pompous when it should have been toned down, banal and cliché-ridden lyrics instead of simple words one actually can relate to. Cringe worthy where it’s probably meant to be heartfelt and moving. Congratulations on getting absolutely everything wrong.

If you suffer a severe attack of nausea in front of the telly on Friday when this one comes on, don’t say we didn’t warn you. Feed the cat, fix another G&T, or switch channel and you might just catch the four athletes representing Liechtenstein in the Winter Olympics parade in during the opening ceremony in Sochi. We promise it will be three minutes better spent, and you won’t miss anything important.

Two hearts beats as two

While sharpening our knives getting ready to murder another ballad while we’re at it, we regained some sanity and realized that Safe isn’t quite in the same category as poor Amber. Credit should be given where credit’s due and this one has at least a creative touch both when it comes to the melody and the lyrics.

God bless Malta for this decent ballad. We did love power ballads in the 90s and would easily have captured this one on our recording cassette as well had it been on the radio. Miriam Christine is a cute bunny and her singing easily lives up to the standards demanded by someone whose main dream appears to be singing the opening song in a Disney movie about unfortunate girl to become fortunate princess. Well done.

However, we do need a conversation about the quality of lyrics in this contest. We mean, come on ye songwriters of Europe. Here lies a small country ready to welcome you with open arms to one of their favorite national activities: MESC. They even appreciate you writing in English, as this is one of their many mother tongues, unlike most of you. Won’t you just appreciate the opportunity and write them something that doesn’t sound like babble made up by a five year old? Instead you write yet another song text about two hearts beating as one. And speaking of: This synchronized beating is a fact that has been stated by many a songwriter before, but we would like to question the validity of it all. Has anyone ever seen this happen? Until Gianluca the doctor confirms, we only have one comment: Heresay!

Would have been so much better in the complete and utterly incomprehensible Maltese language this one, but still: We approve.

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