All reviews are finished and we’re ready for our reward: A flip through the pretty faces and toned bodies of Eurovision. This year sure feels like Halloween, that’s how much candy there is in store for us in Malmö. But who would be the prettiest, sexiest, cutest, hottest of all the yummy men? Here are the results of the GEE votes:
1 point go to….Farid Mammadov from Azerbaijan
Pretty picture perfect this bloke. In fact way too much so for our taste, and for that he barely made our list in spite of being Eurovision 2013’s top model these days. But then we noticed he at least didn’t pluck his eye brows and we figured it’s not his fault his mother made him flawless. Thumbs up for a pretty face, cool style and clever use of UV lights for teeth whitening. Also, seems like a cool, down to earth fellow. The rest is just politics.
2 points go to….Andrius Pojavis from Lithuania
A wise advice for Andrius would be to get his eye brows and facial hair into rehab. Seriously, take a look at them next time he’s onstage. But hey, there is leather and cuteness. And there should always be leather and cuteness!
3 points go to….Jonas Gygax from Switzerland
Cute guy from Switzerland who likes to surround himself with The Salvation Army? Oh yes, we are game. Loving his style in guitars, not so much so his trainers. They can go back to 1997 where they belong, he can stay.
4 points go to….Cezar from Romania
Ok, so Cezar might sing like a castrate and look like something straight out of an Axe commercial with a vampire theme in 1994, but at least he is a very fine example of both. We like men that do their own thing with no regard to where they are, what the dress code told you to wear and who likes you or not. Thumbs up for Cezar of Romania, and please invites us to Bran Castle some day!
5 points go to….Roberto Bellarosa from Belgium
Totally young and innocent. Totally sweet. Totally camp. Totally reminding us of Ola Salo and Adam Driver. Such a nice combination. Don Bellarosa of Belgium can sit at our table anytime!
6 points go to…Alex Márta from Hungary
This really seems like the year when hipsters are finally embracing Eurovision, Alex Márta, or ByeAlex, being their prime representative. And what a fine representative he is. Loving the beard. Loving the glasses. Loving the beanie. Loving the song. What’s not to love? Still, can’t place him entirely on the throne. After all, neons might be in fashion in hipsterworld scene soon, and we don’t think he would look to good dressed as a traffic cone.
7 points go to….Christos Kalaitzopoulos from Greece:
Wow, Greece’s Koza Mostra is just packed with our wettest dreams and could have overpopulated this post entirely. But in order to let other countries stand a chance, we decided to refrain and take a pick. What better than the hot guy with the largest equipment? Christos has a perfectly relaxed style and a hairdo straight out of Hipstertown. Also, according to the pictures from Malmö both him and his buddies seem to be great fun and not stuck up at all. We figure pleated skirts and blinking accordions will be topping the trend barometers quite soon. Note to self: Do some serious stalking in Euro Club!
8 points go to Gianluca Bezzina from Malta.
Ah, what a cute puppy Gianluca would make. He has this very sweet attitude without tickling our gag reflexes at all, which is seriously well done. Also, we are all on board that 50s pastels, suits and general style he is surrounding himself with. It is not exactly making him Don Draper, but more of an early Sinatra, making us wish for a little dirty secret in there somewhere. Because nobody can be this innocent, right? Anyways, well done Malta. You never let us down!
10 points go to…Marco Mengoni from Italy:
Holy spaghetti, it seems like someone did something very right further down South while breeding this year’s Eurovision contenders. Marco is the best we could possibly wish for from Berlusconi. His brown eyes and impeccable style sticked with us since first coming to our attention in early February, and he has been bound for douze points a long time. What finally placed him second, though, is the fact that we noticed his right ear and also that his facial hair is a tiny tad too much in control. Get some barber tips from Greece is our advice. But hey, we might just change our minds when we meet him. The images from Malmö are looking seriously sharp right now.
12 points go to…Ilias Kozas from Greece. Of course:
Picking the winner was easier that easiest this year. We mean, did you see this guy? And hear his dark, sexy voice? He’s so ridiculously pretty and shaggable we almost appllied for Greek citizenship immediately. Here we were thinking Greek Gods were extinguished with the Iliad and then this guy shows up? This demands for some rearrangement of our lives. Like picking another place to grow up in. Going somewhere else for holiday last year. And staying at the same hotel as this guy in Malmö. That is if he is not stabbed to death by butter before we get there.