12 painful months of waiting have finally come to an end and we’re only a couple of hours away from the Grand Final! And whether you’re on your way to the annual Eurovision party in your finest feathers (which do seem to be one of the hottest fashion items in the Eurovision world this year) or you’re planning to spend the night in the comfort of home sweet home in the front of the telly, we bet you need some guidance on who you should vote for, when you should top off your drink, hide behind a pillow, pop off to the loo, lock up your daughters and remove the crystal. (The latter will be when the Albanian singer with the dread dung starts sounding like a malfunctioning hoover and that’s the last mention of her in this post.)
We quite shockingly have to admit that our dear friends over at the Schlagerblog isn’t very far off with their voting guide for tonight. We wonder whose heads ought to be examined as we rarely agree on anything. But we love the fact that they love Nina Zilli as much as we do and hooking up with them in Italy next year would be fab.
Ok, let’s run through tonight’s final line-up!
1 – 5:
The final kicks off with a snoozathon of epic proportions, alltough a major eyecandy alarm wakes you when Hungary is on, and when the Lithuanian guy who’s pretending to be blind completely unmotivated thinks he’s the paid entertainment on Love Boat.
6 – 10
Luckily for the Russian grannies they got an early draw as we can’t imagine anyone of them being able to stay awake much longer. Don’t even consider voting for them, we will block you from our blog if you do. And don’t draw the cute card on us. We find kittens absolutely adorable, but we don’t want them performing in Eurovision do we? A nice string of decent songs follows, with two of our hot favorites in France and Italy. Prepare to be gobsmacked by Anggun’s dishy gymnasts and by Nina Zilli’s brilliant retro flirt.
11 – 16
Not to belittle the other contestants, but on a strictly need to know basis: TOOJI SINGS AS NUMBER 12! VOTE 12 PEOPLE! IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY TODAY, SHOWER HIM WITH POINTS! Nuff said.
17 – 21
Ah, we have hopefully managed to compose ourselves after the complete fabulousness of Tooji’s wicked performance. Just in time to see if Loreen chokes on artificial snow. We might flash our phones and send her a couple of sympathy votes (secretly wishing she will win). Afterwards we’ll jump on Can’s boat and sail away.
22 – 26
The schlager fatigue starts to set in and we begin preparing for the votes to be announced. And remember to brace yourself for the interval act, which the hosting country decided should stay within the Presidential family represented by the son in law who of course was given this honor solely based on merit. Right. Meanwhile you can wonder who have the zonkiest performance of the Macedonian diva Kaliopi and Ireland’s notorious twins. Serbia is also a pretty serious contender. We just hope he doesn’t win. The show ends with a bang with a zany Moldavian and his trumpet!
Happy Eurovision everyone! Good Evening Europe, let’s rumble!