Dear God. If we promise to not crucify Jesus this year, could you please hand that Eurovisional green card to someone else than UK?
Ok, so we get it. UK is ahead of trends. Our population is aging. And Azerbaijan doesn’t have much to offer to those young, hot boys this year anyways as the gay crowd tends to boycott those who boycott them (and bless them for that). Better to keep those eye candies at home then and show the Azers just how stuck in history they really are.The first time we heard about Engelbert Humperdinck we actually thought he had arrived straight from the imagination of J.K. Rowling. But really, that’s awarding him way too much credit. This thing’s older than Aldus Dumbledore and hairier than Julio Iglesias senior in season. We so wish we could hide him forever inside the wall of King’s cross station.
But here he is, fronting the fast track line for the finals. This is actually worse than the brats lurking around the stage in D-town (not that we would want to bring that up again) (but Jesus Christ, that was horrible) (Oh, sorry, won’t mention Jesus again in such manners, we do want God to remain happy and fulfill our wish). It wouldn’t even have been good 20 years ago, when Johnny Loagan was way over of your league. You’re an old man who can deliever a ballad, we’re sure the nursing home will be happy to have you.
We’re really just so tired of BBC pissing all over Eurovision. Why can’t you show us some decent music, peepz? We mean, you are the country that gave us The Beatles, Adele and PJ Harvey, we know you can do better than cholera. And cholera we don’t deserve. Please behave next time.
So goddamn Amen to that.