You remember The Netherlands? This great nation of nations that used to go around the world and conquer only to bring home the best of the oriental to the ever so blind rest of Europe.
Being an ESC-fan can be so educational sometimes. Who would have thought that Pocahontas was actually Dutch? Could someone please edit the Wikipedia article? Cause this time the Netherlands decided to bring us Joan Baez as Pocahontas. It’s all there we can assure you. The feathers. The girls in weird brown dresses reminiscent of burlap reminiscent of Mother Earth. The little, funny drums ready to call for war. And of course the bonfire. The only one missing is Captain Smith, who should have been there to save Pochahontas Joan from Eurovision.
However appealing Joan Baez in feathers may seem to you, we can ensure you it is not.
We have a better idea. Why don’t just little Dutch Joan (Baez, eh sorry Franka) here lose the headgear and carnival outfit and dress a tiny bit more appropriate when heading to Baku? Because not only does it look ridiculous, it might come across as quite offensive to people of Native-American decent, them being good with music and all. We dunno, maybe we’re being oversensitive here, but somehow this whole display doesn’t sit well with us.
We’ve been ruthless with the Dutch entries the last couple of years, and we so wish that they’d give us a reason to say something nice about them for once. But how can we when they continue to send dismal songs, completely out of sync with what most of Europe seems to appreciate, they never learn do they? But OK, when we try to look beyond Joan’s embarrassing cultural unawareness, can we appreciate the song on its own merit? The answer would be partly affirmative we suppose, as it does not make our ears bleed. But mostly we find it quite average, boring and way too repetitive. And we’re not overly impressed by the vocal here either. We’re in the middle of the first season of “The Voice” here in Norway nowadays and most contestants on the show so far exceed Joan’s rather ropey performance.
The Netherlands brought Europe spices for God’s sake. Can’t they at least use them properly? We so wish we didn’t have to send The Netherlands to slaughterhouse five every single year, but there again it goes. Maybe we should start being grateful, just for the sake of being able to do some real mockery. Please bring us Robinson Crusoe next year, folks.