What if, Serbia?

What if  someone told you that when you cover yourself up in turquoise, add a little pink and superglue on a pair of eyelashes that’s only inches away from reaching that good old book of records, you will sing something fabulous? What if that someone even told you that’s what Serbia did this year, only they threw in a couple of deliciously clad backup singers and tried to burn our brains down with psychedelia as well?

Then what if the same someone kept on telling you the good story, explaining all the good qualities of the Serbian song, how it’s definitely going to win this year and how it’s totally representing the Balkan quality you are used to. Going on about how a saxophonist and a trumpeter is totally appropriate onstage although you can’t hear a single tone they’re playing. How going all aaaaahhhh is totally fashionable this year. And how the fact that there’s only one hairstyle and a whole lot of hydrogen peroxide available for men and women in Serbia, so it’s totally understandable they send participants with the same blonde bowl cut each year.

What if that happened? Then that someone would be wrong, we’d tell you. In just about everything. Such a pity, really.