So, here’s what imagine happened when Spain laid down their not so successful strategy for trying to win Eurovision this year:
The participants: Mr Artesero the songwriter, Mr Artesero’s secretary, Lucia Perez.
- Mr Artesero: So, guess we have to be in yet another tiresome Eurovision final. *Ironical yay*. Now that Italy, I mean Berlusconi, is in and everything. *Double ironical yay*. Can we get through this with minimal effort and maximum profit?
- Mr Artesero’s secretary: I believe we need a strategy document then, do we?
- Mr Artesero: Exactly! And we need to learn from our experiences. How can we make the most out of all the Eurovisional tricks that have been proven to work in earlier finals?
- Mr Artesero’s secretary: You mean latino rythms, wind machines, throwing your hair around and around while your arm’s in the air, a lot of weird elements for lack of entertainment, plenty of wowowowowows, a series of changing super short dresses and all the while a song that all by itself tries to be a new and not so modern version of the Ketchup song?
- Mr Artesero: That’s everything we need and then some more. But oh, do we perhaps need to please the gay crowd just a tiny tad more?
- Mr Artesero’s secretary: You could be right. Let’s put some drag queens in the background then. They’re bound to look good on television. And I think Jimmy Jump might be afraid of them as well.
- Mr Artesero: Great. Now all we need is someone who can actually perform the song. I’ve picked up on a trend of cougar performers lately, isn’t that right?
- Mr Artesero’s secretary: You mean we should send someone who resembles Cher and Sarah Jessica Parker and the character Janice in Friends? Oh. My. God. That would just be so great.
- Mr Artesero: I’ve got her number right here. Her name is Lucia Perez.
- Mr Artesero’s secretary on the phone: Hello Lucia. Can you sing?
- Lucia Perez: Er, no?
- Mr Artesero’s secretary: Just what we need. We have a job for you.
So, what’s GEE’s point here? you might ask. We’ll tell you in short: We’re not Spain’s most dedicated fans. And we miss Daniel Diges with all his curls and cute dimples. But hey, Lucia, you feel so good, don’t you? Don’t worry. We are not going to spoil it. We count on Jimmy for that.