Warning: Listen at your own risk

Some Eurovision entries should come with a warning stapled all over it. This one should read “several run-troughs could cause severe damage to your mental health and may temporary lead to a loss of faith in humanity”. Good grief, this song is so bloody awful that we actually struggle to finish listening to the whole 3 minutes, but we know we have to since we’re suppose to review this travesty and everyone deserves a fair chance. After about 2o seconds in our ears literally hurt and we have to fight the urge to slam the MacBook into the nearest wall.

When knowing this song is coming from a duo calling themselves Musiqq it should serve as a warning label in itself. You sort of instantly know there’s bound to be something fishy when a band has to throw in a spoonful of mystiqque and intriggue in the band name to create some exxtra attention. It usually covers up a great big void of emptiness. But in all fairness we decided to do some research on this assumed emptiness only to find out that their bio on the official Eurovision website looks like it’s written by a fourth grader. Oh dear. Not the best idea to rely too heavily on Google Translate, we reckon. The duo allegedly resides within the R’n’B/Soul/Hip-Hop genres, but we can’t for the lives of us detect the slightest resemblance to any of these genres by listening to Angel in Disguise.

Perhaps we should blame the poor English on the Latvian head of press’ overconfidence in own language abilities, but we do however suspect this hybris to be quite contagious cause up until the first chorus we would never in a million years have guessed that this song has lyrics in English. How hard can it be, if your English is not that great, that’s perfectly fine, just sing in your own language for crying out loud. Then you can even have the lamest lyrics ever and no one will understand a single word of it anyway. When we strain ourselves to make any sense out of the lyrics it doesn’t sound very profound. At best we would describe it as awkward vulgarities performed with pathos by a chubby 18 year old and a dork who thinks he can rap. Screamingly out of tune, most of the time.

Maybe these blokes should consider taking up a second career as undercover agents, though, cause we have never seen anybody covering up and hiding an angel better. We’re usually not in the business of giving career advice, but with an ability to make anything remotely reminding us of an angel or any other heavenly creatures vanish into thin air, this might be something to consider.

So the question that remains here is why are you doing this to us Latvia, why are you doing this to yourselves? You gave us Brainstorm for heaven’s sake, we know you have it in you. We’re not mad, just very, very disappointed.

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