The secret of Austria

Good evening Natalie Portman and welcome to Eurovision:

Oh, all those ballads. We tend to get sick of them long before Eurovision kicks in. We look at all those women and men standing there thinking their voice is sent to us from God, thinking everyone loves them for their sincere kindness, thinking they are actually doing something good for this world. Usually, they are only ruining our party. And we just wish them back to gospel choir practice.

It’s just that none of these rather harsh feelings kick in when it comes to this year’s entry from Austria. Could be our joy for Austria’s return? Could be that amazing shiny dress? Could be that fabulous Mia Wallace hair? Could be a many different things that makes GEE girls a little weak.

So we’re not gonna trash you, Nadine Beiler. Not even your vocal orgasms, naive peace and love messages and exaggerated self awareness. Because you actually have one of the best ballads this year. (Lyrics set aside, that is. Let’s skip them). You know how to hit a straight A. You look super cool. And did we mention how happy we are Austria is back in the game? Welcome back and well done revealing the secret to us.

Only it’s not love, but could be close.

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