Dear God and BBC. WHEN will UK ever bring us a song that’s worth even just a LITTLE attention? And WHO decided to bring back Boyz to Men slash Seal and then place them sky high in THE CITY? And WHAT are all those things they keep doing? We proudly present Blue:
There’s one, and we repeat ONE, thing about boybands that makes us just a TINY bit interested, and that’s the fact that they do contain some pretty swell looking men. The Blue boys also has this fact going for them, especially that dark, handsome stranger there. But hey, then there’s the fact that they are pretty goddamn funny (and not in the intended, sexy kind of way, we figure) with their arms in the air singing ge-ge-ge-get back up again. Won’t you look at yourselves, lads, you’re already on top of the building. Please do not hit the sky or an airplane circling for the 90th time over Heathrow trying really hard to land.
We’d actually prefer the Blueheads on a stick that Schlagerboys brought to Copenhagen to the real thing. You can show us where your hearts are as many times as you like, you can’t, you won’t, we know you can’t make us like you, Blue. We even hated this kind of music when it was popular back in the 90s, so it’s not like nostalgia will improve things for you either. This is a crap. Over produced, crappy crap. Not good at all. Just crap.
And the video. There is only one video we can think of that is worse than this one, and that’s A1’s new video from the viking age. Now if you haven’t seen that, please don’t. But it’s more or less the same story. You know, boys who are very, very serious and dramatic and high on themselves looking at you with the darkest of dark eyes telling you the world is ending, but you can fix it. And trying to be tough rock musicians when really, they are oh, such happy, Christian gospel singers. Those videos are also crap. Over produced, crappy crap. Not good at all. Just crap.
Then, you know, if the crappy video and the over produced crappy crap song is the best that UK can bring to Düsseldorf, then there’s really nothing. Because the video won’t play and post production won’t kick in onstage. We do NOT look forward to this. Please, hellicopter. Come and land now. And smash those people.
Oh, but listen. There’s no sound when you’re gone. Bliss.