Oh dear, oh dear, what on earth happened to you, United Kingdom? This is like the perfect opportunity for us to retaliate against these cocky, presumptuous Brits who have been mocking us for years and years with our nil points and total humiliation in the bottom of the scoreboard. Well, in your face and right back at’ya Union Jack!
But let’s take a step back and rethink the situation. It’s not very polite to kick the poor bugger lying down with a broken back, is it? And especially not when being the host. We rise above such petty behavior, and praise UK for all the wonderful, magnificent, classic and unforgettable Eurovision moments they have shared with us throughout history. More than once they have been robbed, being defeated by much weaker winners, like in 89 with “Why Do I Always Get It Wrong?” and in 93 with “Better the Devil You Know”, and we have no idea what went on in 68 when the Spanish LaLa Queen defeated Sir Cliff singing our all time fav birthday song. Ok, come to think of it we also love the LaLa song, but that’s a different story.
What went wrong as they went from being the Mothership of pure pop pleasure to the laughing stock of Europe? To us it seems like the party was over at some point after the turn of the millennium for the Brits, and since then they have suffered from the biggest hangover ever. In that case we do understand if they have been feeling a bit under the weather lately, but to pollute their surroundings with meaningless crap such as in 2003 and 2007 is just mean! Luckily they have pulled themselves together the last couple of years, and to get Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber and the 80s super producers Stock and Waterman on board is quite impressive. We did however find Jade Ewen’s Time last year rather dull, and we can certainly curb our enthusiasm for this year’s entry as well.
We’re just so sick and tired of all these talent shows. Why make ESC into a quest for new talents, when there are plenty of other reality concepts these up and coming wannabes can enter into? Come on UK, give us some real stars, send Morrissey, or Robbie Williams or perhaps Kylie Minogue (we’re sure the Aussies wouldn’t mind). We know, this might be a bit too much to ask for, but surely you catch our drift.
This year’s bloke, Josh Dubovie, is probably talented enough and otherwise a jolly good chap, but on stage he just looks so awkward and utterly misplaced among a group of tacky dancers with hideous outfits. What’s the deal with the mouths? A hommage to Mick Jagger? It looks like they’ll have poor Josh for breakfast anytime. Pass the salt, please! We’ve heard that the number is going to be revamped before the final in Oslo and thank God for that. It might end up being not half bad, but we are far from convinced by now.
Being one of the Big Four seems to be a curse in this competition. It makes you lazy when you don’t need to qualify for the final. But please UK, wake up and smell the coffee, we would love to have you back in shape like the good old days. Imagine “UK – The Comeback Kid”. That sounds pretty good to us!