Here we are, telling you what we think about this year’s entries. But what does make a perfect Eurovision entry? Let’s present some of our main demands.
Make us happy
Eurovision time is happy time. We want party, glamour and joy from the first set of notes, not serious, pretentious and pompous. Make us dance and laugh and jump up and down like Bucks Fizz, Helena Paparizou or Dana International made us do, and you will join us at every party from here to eternity.
Give us a crazy show
Whether being wrapped up in silver, going in drag, doing the laundry on stage or chanting ethnic tones, we just cheer for the people that give us the extra, crazy show to the very top rank. Bring up the nuclear weapons or come driving up in a golf cart looking like Jesus in sunglasses, and you will be loved always forever.
But if you are not among the funniest of the party people, you could also just charm us to death. Everyone from Johnny Logan, Sandra Kim, Sandie Shaw to Lulu have managed to melt the even iciest heart. And if you manage to give us the ice blue look, the girly smile or the tipsy walk? Then congratulations when we tell everyone that we’re in love with you too.
Eurovision is supposed to be neutral grounds, AKA not about politics. But, come on, we all know that this is far from the truth. Neighbours vote for each other and many have risked their Eurovision career with political messages throughout history. Georgia was forced to withdraw last year when they were bound for Moscow singing “We Don’t Wanna Put In”. Go figure! Ketil Stokkan was almost disqualified for singing about the Brandenburger Tor in 1990, preceded by Åge Aleksandersen, who sang about the Russian Bear ten years earlier, as a protest against the Soviet Union’s invasion of Afghanistan. Armenians have wrapped in hidden, but perhaps not very subtile messages, see this year’s entry. And Israel was promptly under investigation for pushing both the button and ESC’s limits in 2007. So should you keep your opinion to yourself or flash it on the stage in front of all of Europe? We say go for it no matter what, as long as you don’t expect us to always care that much about your message.
Put on your nicest dress or your hottest suit. Wrap your body in plastic, tin foil, plush or gold. Let the wig and eyelashes be beyond our imagination and throw in some ethnic effects before you unravel the tiny skirt hidden beneath. Just remember to create something just as unforgettable as Kate Gulbrandsen‘s hair or Dschinghis Khan‘s golden lamé clothing. Because we really do want short skirt, long jacket, shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes.
You’ve got to play your balalaika like it’s the last one left on earth. Like there’s no tomorrow and you playing it is your ultimate gift to us. It isn’t about the balalaika, really, you can play any instrument in a sufficiently convincing way. Just remember how Alexander Rybak treated his fiddle.And sing us a song
And then just sing us a song. For the last time in your life. Your time has come, sing from the top of your lungs or shout it out like from the highest mountain tops. Or perhaps life is too short to waste energy on fuzz or heavy rock or power ballads. At the end of the day we want a good song. With a melody and a text we can grasp and a middle verse that differs and a nice bridge to build up our mood. Please, do just that, and be sure to never be at the bottom of our list.
It is all so very hard to choose. Because a lot of entries actually DO meet our demands. And we love them all so very much. But yes, making our mind up is something we are working on, so here is one from each of us:
Guri picks France Gall’s “Poupée de cire poupée de son” from 1965. Yes, it’s kind of old. But oh, so perfect. In oh, so many ways. Luxembourg took home the victory with this smashing song but behold, only the French could be behind this. Please, someone, do it again.
Astrid picks Carola’s “Främling” from 1983. It didn’t win, it wasn’t even the runner up. And quite honestly, we don’t care that much about Carola anymore, do we? But back then everything was perfect, and I suppose that as an ESC addict we all have that moment in time when you just know that you will love Eurovision for always and forever. This was mine.